Bittersweet Symphony
by onetreefan
Summary: The conversation between Alex and Olivia that wasn't shown. If you have read my writing, you know what the pairing is! Read and see. Last chapter is T! All the rest is K!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! I just watched _Ghost_ and got this idea. Yes I know I haven't updated Threads in forever, but its been crazy here!! I just took the SAT's which were gnarly and now that my brain has recovered to an extent, I am slowly, but surely, returning to writing. As I said, I watched _Ghost_ tonight and thought that this is what really happened after Elliot left Alex and Olivia alone. Im not sure if I am going to continue this, so please read and review and tell me if it should end or if I should write more! Love ya all! Also, check out the song _Bittersweet Symphony_ by The Verve**

"He then told me, _"Who's your Daddy!"_" Alex said laughing while she and Olivia ate their chinese food.

"Oh my God! He's so cocky!" 

"Yeah, but you love him," Alex said slurping up some chow mein.

Olivia froze and stared down at her half empty carton and the beer beside it. "So, tell me, how do you like being _Emily_?" 

"No, we talked about me already. I want to hear about you. And I especially want an update with you and hott in tight blue jeans Detective Stabler." 

"Alex--" 

"Don't tell me there is nothing there. I saw it before I left." Alex stared knowingly at her friend that she had missed so much. She didn't associate with many people in Wisconsin and being back in New York brought it all back. "Liv--" 

"Kathy left him." 

Alex took a deep breath and her focus returned to her friend. "Oh Liv--" 

"He didn't tell me for three weeks. Three weeks. He looked me in the eye and promised me he was okay when in reality he was going up to the crib every night before he could rent an apartment. He's hurting so much. I don't know how to save him." 

"Be there. I think you should tell him that you are in love with him." 

"Alex. I can't." 

"Are you afraid?" 

"Alex--" 

"Do you not love him?" 

"Its not--" 

"Or can you look at the woman you have become and regret ever feeling anything for him? Can you look at him and be willing to walk away?" 

"Alex--" 

"Answer the questions, Detective." 

"You are still a prosecutor." 

"You are still afraid. Answer me, Liv." 

Olivia took a deep breath, stood up looked out the New York windows. "Yes. Yes, I love him. Yes, Im afraid." 

Alex nodded and moved beside her. "Olivia, its okay to be afraid. Love is bittersweet. But you can't really be happy in your life until he knows the truth." 

Olivia turned to her friend and smiled. "I've missed you. I've missed my friend." 

"You and me both. I wanted to rant about this new guy I've been seeing forever. It was weird not being able to chat with you about how good he was in bed." 

Olivia laughed out loud and took another drink of her beer. "Well, its a good thing you aren't on the look out. Trevor Langan has been on the prowl." 

Alex's eyes widened in shock and Olivia quickly interrupted. "Don't deny it. I know that you two must have hooked up at least once." 

Alex blushed and she saw that Olivia was still fidgeting with her hands. "So tell me about the rest of the squad." 

"Well, Fin is doing well. He's fantastic in the unit. Don missed you. It was hard for him to adjust to Casey." 

"She's a great prosecutor," Alex said.

"She's not you. You two are so different. I love Casey, but as I said-- She isn't you." 

"Oh, you didn't talk about Munch." 

"You mean, Mr. Casey Novak? I think those two are hooking up." 

"Shut up! Are you kidding me?" 

"After Casey was attacked, John was first on the scene and by her side. I also saw a forbidden kiss or two." 

Alex laughed loudly and Olivia felt a vibration at her hip. She looked at the phone and sighed when she saw Elliot's name come across the screen. "This will only take a minute." 

Alex nodded as Olivia stepped away. Alex decided to take this time to observe the woman she viewed as a sister.  
  
Olivia took the phone and opened it quickly. "El?" 

"Hey, I just wanted to check in. You two okay?" 

"Yeah, we are fine," Olivia assured.

"Liv, its okay to be nervous. We caught him and Casey will land his ass in jail." 

"I know. I know. Its just--" 

"Just what?" 

"So much can happen in a single moment. After, you are left with so much regret." 

"I regret a lot of the choices I have made over the years, Liv. But its okay in the end. Life is bittersweet. As long as I have got you, Im okay." 

"Don't--" 

"What?" 

"Please don't base your happiness on me." 

"Liv. Thats not what Im saying at all. Im just..." 

"What?" 

"Thank you. Thank you for being my partner. My best friend." 

Olivia sighed and felt the tears arise in her eyes. "Always, El. Always." 

"I better hang up. I'll pick you and Alex up in the morning, okay?" 

"Yep. Night, Elliot." 

"Good night, Olivia." 

Olivia closed the phone and felt her heart break. Alex moved to her side and they hugged for a moment. So much emotion had been interchanged in a matter of hours. "I love him," Olivia whispered sadly.

"I know," Alex said. 

"One day I will tell him..." 

"Im sensing a but," Alex said smirking.

Olivia laughed at the former prosecutor's statement. "But today isn't that day." 

Alex hugged her best friend and took the file on Conners that Olivia snuck in for her. "Im going to analyze for a couple hours and then pass out from exhaustion. Get some sleep." 

Olivia nodded, wiped away her tears and headed to the second bedroom. "Alex?" she called out, before closing the door for the evening.

"Yeah, Liv?" 

"Thank you. Im glad you are back." 

Alex nodded and said, "Get some sleep, Benson." 

Olivia smiled sadly and closed the door heading to sleep in hopes of escaping the darkness of the world she lived in. She also hoped for the justice her best friend mostly deserved.

And lastly, she prayed that somehow she would find the strength to tell Elliot how she felt for him. Just one day in this bittersweet symphony of her life...

_Well I never pray  
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah  
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah  
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now  
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now_

**OKAY, IT SAYS COMPLETE, BUT THAT CAN EASILY CHANGE. REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! **


	2. Chapter 2

**This is back. I got an idea for this, but don't trust this story to be updated quickly. But please review. I'd love your imput!! There is a line reference from I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womak. Im not a huge country fan, but I love some of the great older stuff. Can't beat George Strait:-) Love to all! Enjoy the update! This update goes to Kay because her review for this made me laugh the longest. **

She was back in witness protection. 

How? Olivia kept asking herself. Her killer was in jail. Why was she placed back? Alex had finally decided she was going to prosecute again and then maybe make a move on Trevor Langan. Why did she need another new identity? Olivia missed the woman she viewed as her sister, as her confidant.

There was a knock at the door that removed her from these thoughts. Olivia grunted, stretching her legs and moved to the door. She opened it and was surprised to find her partner on the other side. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Well, that's a nice hello, Liv," Elliot smirked, playing the offended card.

Olivia smirked and let him in saying, "That isn't what I meant. I just thought you had the kids this weekend." 

"I did." 

"Then, what are you..." 

"Dickie and Lizzie are at sleep overs. Kathleen hates me and Maureen went to Hartford to meet her boyfriend's family." 

Olivia sighed and watched the man of her life sort out his heart on her couch. So much had happened to them the past few weeks and it was a matter of time when Elliot would finally open up about his divorce. "Elliot, your kids love you. You have to believe that." 

He laughed a sad laugh and looked at Olivia's brown eyes. "How can you tell me that when I am here in your apartment while I only see my kids every other weekend, if Im lucky. They hate me, Liv. I was tired of playing Elvis songs around my house with Heartbreak Hotel being my signature." 

Olivia laughed at this and moved beside him on the couch. "Elliot, you aren't alone. Your kids are changing. You are changing. Its a part of life. You learn to move on." 

Silence filled the room for several moments, each finding comfort in the other. Elliot and Olivia didn't need words. Olivia needed his touch. His friendship. His existence. He allowed her heart to move forward day by day.

"Alex sure looks the same, doesn't she?" Elliot spoke softly. Olivia laughed and turned her head toward him. "I always assumed that if you were in Witness Protection, you had to dye your hair and change your whole look. But no, Alex stayed the same."

"I don't think you could pay Alex enough to die that blonde hair of hers. She loves it." Olivia smiled remembering Alex's comment about her own rainbow of hair. Olivia could never stay with one shade or cut for long."It was nice having her back, wasn't it?" she said sadly.

Elliot nodded. "Too many things change," he said quietly. 

Olivia looked away from him and decided to sing softly, "Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along. Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone?" 

Elliot froze and turned his attention to his beautiful partner beside him. He had never known her to sing. He swallowed and watched as her features calmed when words came from her mouth into lyrical song. "Wow," he whispered. "What is that?" 

"I heard it once on the radio while you were getting us coffee. Something in that one line stuck with me." 

He nodded and she continued, "Elliot, life is all about change. Don't fear it but embrace it." She grabbed his hand and squeezed it softly. "Your children love you, Elliot. Go to them in the afternoon. Take them to lunch. Let them go through the change with you." 

He smiled softly and touched her cheek with his finger, not knowing her heart was racing with every movement he made. "What did I do to deserve you?" he whispered looking into her brown eyes. 

She looked up into his blue eyes and smiled at him, leaning into his hand. "You are a good man, Elliot. You will be okay." 

The moment was gone when Elliot's focus turned to the clock. "Im sorry, Liv. I've kept you up so late." 

"Oh, its okay," she whispered. "Why don't you sleep on the couch. Its late." 

He smiled and said, "If you are sure." 

Olivia smiled and moved to the linen closet, handing Elliot a sheet and a blanket. "Im going to shower up. Feel free to anything in the in cabinets and the fridge. Gets some good rest." 

Elliot stood at the couch and watched as Olivia walked toward her room. When she got to her doorway, he called to her, "Liv." 

She turned and stared at him, hoping her longing for him wasn't being stated on her forehead. "Mmm," she said. 

"Thank you. You are my best friend, Benson. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here." 

She smiled and whispered quietly, "Night, El." 

"Night Liv," he said turning away from her. 

Olivia closed her door and leaned against the frame. A tear escaped her eyes as she whispered, "I love you, Elliot." She then moved to the bathroom for her nightly shower.

Elliot had gotten down to his boxers as he slipped into the couch bed. The sound of Olivia's humming through the shower brought a comfort to his heart. "I love you Liv," he whispered as he drifted to sleep. 


	3. Tears on my Guitar

**Okay, I can't handle tonight's episode. I love naked El. Don't get me wrong. That man has the body of a GOD!! I can't look at Kathy!! I just can't. Many tell me I need to accept it... I JUST CAN'T! UGH!! Okay, this surprise update is for all EO fans!! All who can't accept this... Haha!! Horray naked El!! Boo kathy! haha...**

FYI: there is a time jump. This is put into this season after florida and tonight's episode.

_ He isn't here.  
He has been here when cases get too hard. He isn't here. My bet is that he is in his apartment. _

Olivia decided to leave the crib and head to Elliot's apartment. She sighed as she ran her long fingers through her long natural hair. She hasn't had her hair this natural in over twenty years. Her time undercover changed her. It made her think of Alex and how she must be coping with returning to witness protection. 

Her mind then returns to Elliot. He had been so different with her since she returned. So hot and and cold. He was her champion when she dealt with Simon Marsden. He was her hero when it came to having her back in every case. But he was distant. He was no longer close with her. She damaged something when she left... again. She only prayed he would be willing to listen to her tonight. 

As she started her car and began to drive down the busy streets of Manhattan to her partner's apartment, she found a song that shifted her focus. She listened to the genre that served as her guilty pleasure and got lost in the words meanings.

_Drew looks at me.  
I fake a smile so he won't see  
What I want and I need  
And everything that we should be._

I'll bet she's beautiful,  
That girl he talks about.  
And she's got everything  
That I have to live without.

Drew talks to me.  
I laugh, cause it's just so funny  
That I can't even see  
Anyone, when he's with me.

He says he's so in love.  
He's finally got it right.  
I wonder if he knows  
He's all I think about at night!

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,  
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.  
He's the song in the car I keep singing,  
Don't know why I do.

Drew walks by me.  
Can he tell that I cant breathe?  
And there he goes, so perfectly.  
The kind of flawless I wish I could be.

She better hold him tight,  
Give him all her love,  
Look in those beautiful eyes,  
And know she's lucky, cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,  
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star,  
He's the song in the car I keep singing,  
Don't know why I do.

So I drive home alone.  
As I turn out the light,  
I'll put his picture down,  
And maybe get some sleep tonight.

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,  
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart,  
He's the song in the car I keep singing,  
Don't know why I do.

He's the time taken up,  
But there's never enough.  
And he's all that I need to fall into.

Drew looks at me.  
I fake a smile so he won't see.

Drew is Elliot, Olivia concluded as tears clouded her vision. She didn't realize she played the song on repeat until she reached his apartment and Taylor Swift's voice continued to play. She turned off her engine and listened to the final words that Miss Taylor has to say to give her some sort of strength... _The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart._

The stairs to his place seemed farther this evening. She graced his door that had the number 1C on the door. She was about to knock on the door when she heard the familiar sound of his voice from his answering machine. **This is Stabler. Leave a message.**

"Elliot, this is Kathy. I just wanted... Thank you. Tonight was a great step towards reconstruction. You were amazing. Man, Im going to be sore in the morning. You and I haven't done that in over two years. Elliot... I want you to come home. I know you said when you are ready, but I think we established tonight that you are close. Please come home... I love you." 

Olivia's heart shattered. Kathy was the woman Elliot would forever love. Olivia would be the woman beside him that stays silent and in love. Tears fell from her eyes and she gathered her broken heart to leave when she heard his voice. 

"Liv?" 

Olivia stiffened, turned around and saw him in the hall. He had a glow of after sex and Olivia was enamored by his beauty. His blue eyes were filled with concern as he stepped toward her. She moved back. "Liv?... What's wrong?" 

"Don't," she whispered hoarsely as tears fell from her eyes. I want you to come home kept ringing through her head and shattering her heart. 

"Olivia." 

"Im sorry." Olivia moved away from him and ran down the stairs. She heard Elliot gaining on her and she refused to stop. By the final flight of stairs, she tripped and tumbled down. She cried at the bottom and Elliot moved beside her. "Liv." 

"Don't... Elliot... Please," she pleaded.

"What happened tonight?" he asked. 

"Elliot, I can't do this with you," she whispered finally getting her feet and stumbling to her car.

Elliot refused to let her go. He saw the hurt and he saw the brokenness in her face and eyes. "Olivia. Tell me what happened. Please. Be honest with me." 

"Honest?" Olivia scoffs and finds her keys. "The last time you were honest with me was when you told me we couldn't be partners!" 

"That isn't true. Olivia, why can't you be honest with me? Why can't you look at me?" 

"BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOVE ME!" she shouted. She turned at met his shocked position and she cried out, "You never will." She got in the car, started the engine and sped away, her partner remaining on the sidewalk watching her drive away. 

_How wrong she is_ Elliot thought to himself as he dialed Olivia's apartment leaving a message for her to hear when she reached her apartment. 


	4. Make a Memory

**This is actually the end of this story!! Sorry it has taken me so long to find the end of this writing block for this story, but Jon Bon Jovi gave me inspiration. Sorry if this seems short to you lovely people, but today has been a long odd day. Love ya all and Kinsey Jo and estrelita4SVU get the dedications for this update cuz they heard my sad story first. haha. love ya all and enjoy.**  
Elliot rushed to her door and began pounding on the door. When he noticed it was unlocked, he slipped into her apartment shocked to find it cluttered with open boxes and the sound of muffled cries from her closed bedroom door. He looked down at the coffee table and found a congratulatory letter from the FBI signed by the infamous Dean Porter and Dana Lewis. Her location, according to the document would be in San Luis Obispo, California. _What the hell happens in San Luis Obispo, CA?_ he asked himself. 

Heartbroken, he moved to her door and knocked against the wood softly. He whispered against the wood, "Olivia," praying she would let him in. "Olivia, let me in baby," he said, letting his knuckles brush against the door. 

When she opened the door, she saw his broken appearance. He appeared to have run a long way and crashed when she saw the letter tight in his grasp. "You were going to be the first to know?" she whispered looking away from him. 

"How Liv? By coming to you and finding it empty and a note saying that you were leaving and weren't coming back?" 

"Yeah Elliot, that was my plan! You are a fucking genius there, Stabler?" she said sarcastically turning away from him and moving to her open window. He was the only one who knew of her smoking habit and she sighed when her need to light up overwhelmed her. 

He sighed and moved to her bed taking a heavy breath. "I didn't come to fight with you, Liv," he said looking at her back. Oregon made her curvy. She returned and the stress caused her weight to drop. He loved touching her lower back and feeling the curve. He missed it. He knew he need to speak fast to win her back. "Will you listen to this song for me baby? Just one song. And if you don't feel anything, you can ask me to leave. Just listen." 

He moved to her IPod Hi-Fi and plugged his IPod into the dock. He sighed and whispered, "Listen to it, Liv. Please?" 

In one moment, Jon Bon Jovi's whisper filled her with a peace and his word began to unravel... 

_ Hello again, it's you and me  
Kinda always like it used to be  
Sippin' wine, killing time  
Trying to solve life's mysteries_

How's your life, it's been a while  
God it's good to see you smile  
I see you reaching for your keys  
Looking for a reason not to leave

If you don't know if you should stay  
If you don't say what's on your mind  
Baby just breathe  
There's nowhere else tonight we should be

You want to make a memory?

I dug up this old photograph  
Look at all that hair we had.  
It's bittersweet to hear you laugh  
Your phone is ringing I don't wanna ask

If you go now, I'll understand  
If you stay, hey, I've got a plan  
We're gonna make a memory  
You want to steal a piece of time  
You can sing the melody to me  
And I can write a couple of lines

You want to make a memory?

If you don't know if you should stay  
And you don't say what's on your mind  
Baby just breathe  
There's nowhere else tonight we should be  
We Should be

You want to make a memory  
You want to steal a piece of time  
You can sing the melody to me  
And I can write a couple of lines

You want to make a memory?  
You want to make a memory?

By the middle of the song, the walls surrounding Olivia's heart had crumbled. She didn't want to leave him. He was her safety. He was her heart. She wanted to stay. He would be forever embedded in her memory and she knew that she couldn't leave this new position with Porter and Lewis. It was too late. They were too late. 

Not for one more night... 

When Olivia turned around, she saw that Elliot had a picture of the two of them in his hands. From about two years ago at Fin's place. One night when she almost confessed the truth. One night when she would have bared her soul to him. Another moment she let them slip away. Their happiness. 

She moved in front of him and took the picture from his hand. She looked into his broken eyes and straddled his body. "You are leaving me," he said roughly. He placed his hands on her hips and rubbed against her warm skin. 

She couldn't make out if his statement was simply that or a question. She linked their hands and leaned her forehead against his in an attempt to feel his pain and heal him. "Not right now," she whispered. "Im yours tonight." 

He craved for her touch and wiped away her tears. "Don't cry baby," he whispered. He timidly brought her lips to his and allowed himself to be covered in her love. 

She took off his jacket and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his sculpted torso. She used all of her senses to burn his taste, scent and touch into her memory. Olivia knew regret was on the horizon. Not for loving him. But for leaving him. 

"No more thoughts," he whispered relieving Olivia of her sport jersey. She was naked and straddling his waist. "Its us tonight. I want to remember you." 

He flipped them over and she allowed him to dominate her. She wanted to feel his power and his soul. This was the moment that would steal her heart for eternity. He would capture her... forever. 

He kissed down her body, taking in every emotion. Passion, love and pain were tangled in the sheets as he claimed her soul. He knew that he wanted her forever. Elliot wanted to make Olivia Benson his for the rest of his life. It wasn't going to happen and he wanted to mark her. Mark her as his. 

Elliot kissed up her leg, past her feminine identity and licked along her stomach to her hipbone. He nibbled upon her tight skin and sucked on her tan skin, leaving his impression on her. He gripped her legs tightly as he symbolized his mark on her. That motion alone sent Olivia into an intense orgasm that moved her earth from its axis. He knew her final defenses were gone. Olivia was his for possession. 

In a throaty moan, she called down to him, "El, come to me." 

He dragged his excitement along her leg and kissed her deeply, her tongue causing his erection to jump against her warm welcoming skin. "Condom?" he asked looking into her eyes. 

"No," she whispered against his lips. 

"Liv?..." he questioned positioning himself above her. 

"Make a memory with me, El. Love me, claim me, make me yours." 

With every conflicting emotion in his soul, he plunged into her, her voice hitched and her body clinging to his for strength and security. Olivia had never found such a safe and knowing place of home before. Tears sprung to her eyes as he pounded into her heart. This was not only his memory, but their memory. She no longer wanted the FBI. She didn't want to be an officer. She wanted to be his and he to be hers. 

"Breathe," he whispered as she tightened against him. As she exhaled, her orgasm washed over her as if it was a rich and warm wave claiming her heart. Soon he exploded within her and they rolled in the sheets not wanting to lose their connection for the rest of their lives. She would be leaving him and this time he couldn't make her stay. 

The sunrise was on the horizon. They stared into each other's eyes for hours, taking in every thought and emotion that passed between them. It was Olivia that blinked and Elliot who gripped her hand tightly. "Stay with me, Olivia," he whispered. 

"I can't..." she whispered as a tear escaped her eyes. He wiped it away and captured her lips with his, knowing too well that her plane ride away from New York would shatter his soul for the rest of his existence. He held her tight as they made love one last time. They stole a moment in time. They made it their own... They made a memory... 

** FIVE YEARS LATER**

Olivia walked down the sandy beaches of Shell Beach and watched as her son teased the ocean break to come after him. She laughed at her blue eyed boy's sense of responsibility and a constant need for challenge. He looked up at her and flashed him an all too familiar smile and waved at her. "Hi Mama!" he screamed across the beach. 

"Hi baby," she said waving to him. 

In her thoughts, she relaxed when a pair of familiar arms wrapped around her waist. She hummed in content as his mouth found her neck. "He's just like you," he whispered looking at the small boy at the ocean. 

"No, he's your son, Stabler," she said turning around in their embrace. "All the mischief and orneriness came from you." 

"Awe, but you love me for it," he said kissing his lips. 

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I had stayed?" Olivia asked looking at their son playing by the ocean. 

"I don't know, Liv," he whispered. "But I had to come back to you." He sighed and rubbed her pregnant belly softly. "Two years was too long, baby." 

"Well, we have more memories to make, El," she whispered rubbing past his wedding band. "I won't leave you again. We have our life here now. And I love you for it." 

He kissed her deeply and allowed themselves the pleasure of watching their beautiful four year old collecting sea shells and crabs by the water. Making memories was all apart of their bittersweet symphony that Elliot and Olivia gladly call love. 


End file.
